I’m lucky enough not to need glasses…yet. I know the time is coming though… especially as I squint to read instructions these days or start moving the object further away from my eyes to make out the lettering. I've also just established I'm right handed but left eye dominant - weird. Mind you, this could be good for improving my darts - Phil the Power is the same... smiley face!
Dads out there may have stories of wearing glasses and their experiences but I, up until now, only have experiences of others’ eyesight adventures. Well, apart from the occasional eye test.
Interestingly, these days, glasses wearing is really well accepted. I remember the bad old days when kids would be scared of having glasses and be wary of bullying. I’m sure that it is still there a little but the improvement in tech and the design and style has helped hugely. It’s now a fashion statement!
I’ll start with my daughter… she seems to follow her Mum’s eyesight - to her despair! It was a number of years ago that she first mentioned being a little ‘challenged’ when sat at the back of the classroom. “How bad is it” we would ask. When the response was “I can’t see the board - oh and I can’t see the teacher either” we knew it was probably best to get her eyes tested. For those in the ‘know’ minus 1.75 and minus 2.50 was the first ‘assessment’. Not terrible but not great! Standby - it gets worse!
Hmmm. Eye assessment or test is an interesting description. Some call it a sight or vision check - which I find better. More like an annual review rather than an exam. If it’s an examination, assessment or test you generally come out with a fail! Although, I would like to say I’ve, just this week, had an eye test. I actually passed! My parents will be so proud! What a faff all that is... after staring at a light box on the wall, via a mirror, and having a bright light beamed into my eye balls. ”I’m just going to pop these special glasses on you for a moment - ok?.” ”No problem” I reply. Then it starts… ”Now is it better with one or two? One or two?“ and ”can you tell me which image is sharper please, with one or two? Three or four? Or no difference?” “One, maybe two... I think no difference” I stutter in reply. Then, after being made a fool of for 40 minutes wearing said special glasses, which are actually those peculiar goggles type contraption perched on my nose as the optician flicks in lens after lens, I was done. Departing with a feeling of both success and failure. "So, you don’t want to buy a pair of glasses? Are you sure Sir, it will still be of help?!" Errr, I drove here with no issues, read all the letters you showed me and can see the bill I have to pay - that‘s good enough for me. "No, I'm fine thanks" I politely reply.
Back to my daughter, once she had made that first journey to the opticians, it has now become a regular visit. Each trip the -x.xx increases by at least a -0.5 and the glasses’ lenses get thicker and thicker. "Soon they’ll look like my Mum’s glasses” I mutter to myself each time - I’ll come back to my Mum’s eyesight later.
As time passes you go through so many sets of glasses, she is now on -4.50 and -3.75. The old glasses stacked up somewhere at home, just in case they are needed again. Fortunately, at a young age; when the prescription changes so frequently, much of this is subsidised but you can guarantee that your kids won’t like that set of glasses or need a spare set, so inevitably, the credit card gets hit on a regular basis.
Then comes the “what are your thoughts about contact lenses...?"
Oh dear, “contacts”. Not something I like the sound of. Putting little plastic discs in your eyes - no thanks. I was sure she wouldn't want those. But surprisingly, as my wife already wears contacts, our daughter was not fazed by this and agreed to the trial.
She’s been a star with this and taken to them really well. However, one thing I’m not too pleased about is finding these little discs everywhere in the house: stuck to your sock, on the dinner table, attached to your coat, in the sink, stuck to the TV controller. As for the floor in her bedroom - that’s like a pond with mini lily pads distributed far and wide… “Can you please stop leaving these everywhere” a common rant from me. “I don’t understand, I always put them in the bin” being a standard response. Maybe these things have a mind of their own! Then again, when I asked her only yesterday, “why is this lens on the floor right by the table?” She actually said “oh, sorry, I couldn’t be bothered to put it on the bedside table - I’ll pick it up later”. Seriously...!!!!
As for my son, he's had a few eye tests now and each time he returns exclaiming "I should have been a fighter pilot!" A bit smug if you ask me...
Now I know this is The Dad Files but I’d like to share a quick story about my Mum’s eyesight - let’s call it The Son Files for a moment. Mainly as a warning or simply a bit of advice to all those glasses wearers looking to take a holiday now that the amber list has been scrapped. It was a number of years ago and our kids were not yet teenagers. We decided to go on a family holiday to France. We were fortunate enough to know the owners of an amazing rental holiday property big enough to cater for up to eight, so some of the broader family decided to join us. It was a great holiday and we created some really good memories - one of those left us in hysterics for a long time… As a bit of an intro - My Mum definitely needs glasses, they certainly couldn’t make contacts big enough to cater for my Mum’s prescription - binoculars would be a more appropriate classification. Unfortunately, she had forgotten to take her spare pair of glasses on the trip and during a rather energetic evening of badminton, board games and red wine drinking; she damaged the central frame of her glasses. She essentially split them in half. Not ideal… especially when you can’t see much beyond the end of your nose! This being a Sunday night and all shops closed, like a Krypton Factor task from the 80's, we all gathered together to build a plan in readiness for Monday morning opticians’ opening. The resolution was both genius and hilarious… in equal measure. Having recently visited a coffee shop that day, we selected the wooden stirrer as our splint of choice and set about strapping up the said glasses with great skill. Glasses, wooden stirrer and fabric plaster - an absolute masterpiece! What a sight, I hope you can picture it? A fancy pair of ladies glasses hashed together in such a way that brought us all to tears as the wooden stick stretched across my Mum's brow - a truly unforgettable evening of fun and laughter.
To cut a long story short on arriving at the Opticians Monday morning, we were greeted open mouthed in amazement at this tremendous invention - “I like it” said the optician in English, followed by “remarquable, je n'ai jamais rien vu de tel”. To my Mum’s great relief he was able to repair the glasses, extremely efficiently, and within an hour they looked as good as new. His passing comment was less impressive to my Mum… “It’s a good job we could repair them, ta vue est horrible!” he said.
Thanks…. Tell us something we don’t know!!
And they say drinking coffee is bad for you… It’s definitely good for your eyesight - well maybe not so much the coffee but certainly the stirrer!
