Confessions of Dad TV...

I feel it only fair to confess my Dad TV sins to all you readers out there. I’m sure this is a ‘safe haven’ to do it so here goes...

Be prepared if you’re new parents - you will learn that your TV viewing is no longer your own!!!

I have to be honest too, in saying that “I’m an embarrassment to the kids when it comes to TV”. But I blame them... I don’t think I was as bad as this before kids. Remember, we didn’t have streaming or Netflix and SkyQ back then, simply channels one to three before 1982 and then only four until 1997. It was only in 1998 when digital through an aerial was released in the UK. Nothing like the kind of access kids have to material and media these days. Once I became a proper adult and got married etc, I think I was ‘ok’ I watched movies, good serial dramas and classic comedy shows and the like. I also avoided all soaps - garbage in my view! I’m also a big armchair sports fan so I did have to succumb to the subscription model eventually. Especially when all good sport left terrestrial TV. However, my viewing and no doubt your own, changes significantly once you have kids - I think it becomes a phased approach to TV based on the kids’ ages - from which point, you never recover... Maybe it‘s that you are simply too tired to watch anything and flake out before all the good stuff starts.

During the early days of being parents you simply start watching the programmes they do, mesmerised by Peppa Pig, Boogey Beebies or worse still Teletubbies.... and anything containing Justin Fletcher as the kids go crazy for him. As for the Mr Men, this should definitely be my chosen specialist subject on Mastermind. I’d smash it - might struggle with the General Knowledge round though! Oh and that mad crazy ‘In the Night Garden’ thing which was bonkers with the Ninky Nonk Train and all manner of weird and wonderful things! Is it wrong to think that the creators of these shows were, maybe, writing these a little ‘late at night’ possibly after a ‘beverage’ or two...

As they grow a little older your viewing then progresses to Fireman Sam and of course the boss - Postman Pat. I remember in 2008 when Pat got his SDS boost too - “Special Delivery Service” I know this is sad but I’m currently singing this to myself...

Let’s face it - as parents I don’t think I watched a grown up programme between 2003 and 2012!!! Well, with the exception of sport, which was basically how I stayed sane through early parenting. Oops forgot, and the wine too. I guess the biggest confession is that you use TV as a kind of virtual baby sitter. The shows can be so absorbing to the kids, it gives you a few minutes to clear your head, have a few minutes to think or to do practical stuff like cook or take a shower and generally get things done in between the parenting!!!

Now the kids are older and the TV becomes yours again because they are on their ithingy or streaming something to some device - I think you get TV phobia. It’s as though you’ve forgotten what to watch or how the thing works. You end up watching XFactor and those other reality shows. Clearly the best being ‘I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here’ with the hilarious Ant & Dec. Let’s be serious though, this is not sensible TV watching and only proves you have ‘lost it’. There are more though : The Voice, Great British Bake Off and my favourite at the moment ‘The masked Singer’ - how can that be a serious show as celebs strut around dressed in extravagantly created costumes - with me shouting out “I know this voice” or “l’m sure this is...”. But, even more alarming, I’m now watching The Great British Throw Down (a reality pottery show). Help someone please rescue me from this madness!

There is then all the shows you choose as the escapism watching - Escape to the Chateau, Place in the Sun, Escape to the Country, and the best of all anything with Kirsty and Phil such as Location(s) and Love it or List it! Plus you now watch anything involving DIY or home improvements, including Grand Designs with Kevin McCloud - but your house stays unchanged with very little ‘transference’ from show to reality. The same can be said for all the cooking shows you watch too!!!

As for more adventurous movie going, embarrassingly, until very recently, the last movie I went to see at the cinema was way back in 2002, it was Star Wars Attack of the Clones..... Nightmare!! No wonder I didn’t go back for nearly 20 years until The Rise of Skywalker - the only other film I have seen at a cinema since!

So it is as before, my only saving grace is sport. Not football but cricket and ably supported by golf with a sprinkling of darts thrown in for good measure. I would consider cricket my go to. Whether it’s the amazing tension of test cricket, the crash bang of T20 or the mid ground of a One Dayer, I’m hooked on them all. As for the Ashes Series, this is a special time in our household but can leave many a ‘grumpy Dad’ situation when England get blown away by the Aussie quicks! “Just don’t watch it if it makes you like this” a common complaint from my wife. Sorry...

So I guess my question is - “will I recover?” Will I get my TV mojo back and start watching grown up things again - it seems unlikely as I sit here and flick between Homes Under the Hammer and A New Life in the Sun...

There, I’ve confessed my sins. Now to repent, I’m off to stream Practical Motorhoming...... Nooo.... clearly a lost cause!!!