Stig of the Pump!

What is it with toiletries…?

I’m staggered as to how many pump spray things we have in our house. Boots must be making a fortune out of us!!! At least they are pumps these days and not the aerosol kind… I remember the days when you had to tell your kids to put smellies on. Normally when they started to whiff a bit from playing outside all day or hadn’t showered the day before.  Nowadays, it’s like peering into a mildly pleasant smelling smog!

From the moment they wake up to the moment they go to bed, the house is like walking through the big Fragrance Houses concessions booths at John Lewis…

As a Dad, you must not complain about this though - as you get chastised by both your wife and the kids.  Either because whatever they are wearing was a present from you (that your wife bought for them, from you, on your behalf) or a present from someone else - most likely a relative who you cannot be mean about. 

Although I do speak out and totally draw the line at the deodorants and anti-perspirants that regularly appear scattered across both bathroom and bedroom in various stages of emptiness. Discarded by the owner due to being “too much hassle” to spray the last few bits out of or “don’t like that anymore”. These are just a couple of the common statements when asked why they are there.  Your response to “put them in the bin then” is generally greeted with a humph of discontent or “sorry can’t hear you” in reply.

I’m not brave enough to comment on my wife’s collection of spray pumps, gels, roll-ons, pastes, eye liners, packs with multicoloured powdery things. Stored in something akin to a kids paint palette but for your face…. Let’s just say there are quite a few and it’s a good job she has the full top of the chest of drawers to let’s say… “store” them! As for me - my can of Sure and one bottle of Hugo Boss does me alright!!!

I guess all this is better than when we were kids.  We would play for hours, day after day at the 'Rec' without even going near a shower - mainly because in those days you needed to have a bath!!!! No thank you what a faff that was!

Do many of you remember the character “Stig of the Dump”? Nothing to do with a Top Gear test driver crashing!!! This Stig was from the 1963 Clive King novel, televised in the mid 1980’s (and again in the early 2000’s).  If I remember correctly, we also studied it at school.

Growing up in the 80’s we were basically our own version of Stig.  We had different types of dumps and other places we visited but after doing so, we tended to come back home looking and smelling like Stig would have done.   It was great… Until your Mum eventually got a whiff of you and that was it… “get in the bath, you stink”.

So, I guess, in conclusion, it’s better this way really.  Less messy hair, less stinky old clothes, less grubby faces and hands and a lot less scrubbing with that scratchy old bar of soap.  Was it Pears or that browny one?

Then again, I’m not so sure it is better. What about missing out on all that fun we used to have down the Rec… Maybe there should be some middle ground where we can mix the two and do a bit of both.

Let’s call it Stig of the Pump!