Life’s a ‘beach’

This is not specifically another whinge at lockdown.... But I am really looking forward to getting outside again. I’m sure we’ll have to be masked up for a long while yet but one good escape is a trip to the beach.

We are big fans of the beach in this house and being at the beach makes for some interesting The Dad Files stories. If you are lucky enough to be close to the beach, and have the opportunity to visit often, you can sometimes take this for granted. I will certainly never take these visits for granted after experiencing a ‘global pandemic’. It‘s a pleasure to get some good fresh air and blow the cobwebs away whenever you want - not something any of us have been able to do as often as we’d have liked over the last 12 months.

Our two kids have always been fans of the beach - well until they got to their late teens (I’ll come back to that in a minute). Generally, beach trips will always be fun. Whether it’s building sand castles when they are young, playing cricket, swimming, paddling or simply chilling; we’ve had many great times.

However, I do recall one occasion when our son caused us a few worries. He’d just got a new scooter and was flying along the promenade when he approached the slipway. He thought it would be a good plan to zoom down that too, much like launching a boat. Unfortunately, he found the rickety and slightly worn riveted sleepers less scooter friendly than the smooth tarmac of the promenade. Appearing to be in slow motion we saw the front wheel jam and his feet leave the scooter footplate firing him forwards, arms flailing like an out of control skier attempting The Streif at Hahnenkamm and depositing him on the ‘sea-less’ stones and sand at the base of the slipway - ouch! Fortunately, he was all fine except for an embarrassed red face and a shirt front that looked like he’d been involved in a close cricket run out sliding along his belly to reach the crease line...

Oh, and I’m not safe from some of the kids events either. One time in particular leaving me a little short of breath and less than impressed. We had collected another paddle board and set off to the beach to give it a try. All was going well and my son and I were in the water testing it out. Both of us had had a quick go and the board felt good underfoot. However, my son’s impatience and wanting another go getting the better of him, he thought a quick grab of the back of the board might help ‘get me off’. It certainly did... I fall forwards and slightly to the side landing squarely on my ‘midriff’. Let’s just say above the thigh and below the belly - “struck midships” would be the term used by David ‘Bumble’ Lloyd on the cricket commentary following a direct hit from a fast bowler on an unfortunate batsmen!!! Following a significant amount of catching my breath and writhing around in the water like a 'hooked fish', I eventually gained my composure and fired off a volley of “don’t do that again” and “right that’s it, let’s go home”. Finally calming down, we go back to the van for a brew and biscuits... and relax.

As for our daughter, her joy of the beach has somewhat waned with age. From those days of charging around or looking for shells, they have well gone. Talking of the shells, I remember one day we got home from the beach and found a hundred weight of shells and stones in her pocket! I couldn’t believe how she’d managed to cram so many in there. A second occasion I hadn’t noticed the shells and only discovered them when there was a slight beachy smell coming from a rear door pocket in the car. I’m not sure how long they had been there but they certainly reminded me of the seaside or more accurately the fish in the sea! Those shells went in the bin...

In the early days, when you arrived at the beach, the kids would be desperate to get out of the car. No matter what the weather, they would pull at the door levers eager to start their days’ adventure. Now in their teens, it’s more like you have to use a built in ejector seat to get them out - especially our daughter. A common response from our daughter these days is “do you know how long I have spent on these eyeliner flicks” or “there is no way I’m going out there in this” or the funniest of all “it’s too cold”. Funny because these days it’s all about flimsy tops and trousers. "Get some clothes on and you won’t be cold!" I think it’s definitely easier with boys. Even when boys are older. They are a bit like an excitable dog, you show them a tennis ball and you are sorted. Less slobbering at the chops or licking your face but more “yes, let’s throw that to each other” or “did you bring the bat too”. I think the only way I could shift my daughter these days is if someone from the boy band One Direction was on the beach too... Can you still use the phrase boy band these days or has it changed??!!

Skimming stones is one of those all family activities that you can get them interested in. This is the art of bouncing a stone of the surface of the water. Although, it can have varying degrees of success. You certainly have the odd fear of seeing a flat, well chosen ‘skimmer stone’ exiting the hand behind them instead of in front and looping towards an unsuspecting family enjoying a quiet picnic. “Many apologies, sadly my son hasn’t yet grown into his arms” I apologetically comment. But in time, you are all experts, challenging each other to get just one more skimmer bounce to beat the family record.

One funny thing I always think back to from when they were young, is their hair. After a day at the beach, swimming and chasing each other around, hair looks like it’s made of a different substance - more like straw sticking up all over the place, more like an unruly haystack than hair. Get a brush through that!! Mind you, what with us all having our hair cut at home now with lockdown cuts copied from those internet videos, we all look a little like we’ve been out somewhere windy!!!

I also laugh when I look back at some of the photos which bring back old memories of us kayaking. The poor kids were so trussed up in wet suits and life jackets, they looked like something from a Heath and Safety broadcast... ”Welcome to safety at the beach. Remember beaches can be dangerous and only enter the water if you are a strong swimmer, accompanied by a competent adult and wearing the appropriate life preserving equipment”. I can hear this in my head when I look back. Slightly excessive would be an understatement!

I’m pleased to say that ‘life’ will always be ‘a beach’ in this family.