Morning Glory

What is it about mornings when you have kids? In the olden days these used to be fairly hassle free. During week days you would be woken by the alarm and doze for a few mins. Then, when ready you would be up to get organised; do your ablutions, eat some breakfast and be off to work. At weekends, you would simply chill in bed, have plans to spend the day out or have the occasional early round of golf with mates.

These days, things are very different. You have learned over time that preparation the evening before will help ‘the process’. So, before bed you: lay the table, have the packed lunch things on standby ready for the lunch box, have the Crunchy Nut Cornflakes box moved two yards closer to the table and the bread board ready for the morning’s toast action! Oh...and of course two mugs ready for tea!

You go to bed with that task ticked off.

It then begins, your new morning.

The alarm goes off. You consider which part of your body hurts the least and is safe to move; you choose the right arm and stretch this out to switch the alarm off. You notice the fully drunk cup of water at the side of your bed because you couldn’t sleep the night before. You partially fall back to sleep before the ‘parent’ alarm kicks in and your eyes spring open. You take your first careful movement (beyond just the 'alarm' arm stretch) this seems to go well and you progress with the rest of the body until you are sat up and feet on the ground. You notice the blood rushing partly to your head and partly to your feet. Both essential for the next step and you hope the flow has completed the journey. You eventually rise to your feet when you feel it is safe to do so. The slight pain is, thankfully, only slight but these days it does come at you from all angles - legs, hips, back, shoulders, and definitely neck and head to finish. You then, what can only be described as manoeuvre the clothes found on the floor by the side of the bed on to your aching body.

Now, priority task one after getting up - wake the children!!!

This takes pretty much the same form for the next 10 years... You walk in and gently wake them up. There is a stirring sound accompanied with a grunt, groan or whine for evidence that your ‘fly-by’ waking has been successful. You proceed downstairs to commence the breakfast dance.

Kettle on, butter out, bread on board, bread in toaster, milk from fridge, cornflakes in bowls, milk on cornflakes, butter on bread, sandwich in box, fill up water bottles, hot water over tea bags, juice in cups - and breathe!! You then go back upstairs to complete ‘second phase’ waking, slightly more volume and with increased urgency. “It’s 07:15, you now have to get up.” This will generally complete the task but you may need one final ‘emergency’ dash to ensure the full attention for breakfast. You take a sip of your tea - ah!

On arrival downstairs, you will be invisible to them. They, with eyes barely open, drag themselves into the kitchen and sit down; clearly expecting the cereal to be in the bowl, milk to be poured and juice to be ready - plus the helicopter parenting vitamins you make them eat each day. There will be a short silence as the teenager brain ‘reboots’ for the day. It’s probably at about halfway through the cereal when the first sounds emerge. Such as: “morning” or more likely “did you sort my PE kit”or “did you sort my slip for the school trip?” or “did you get that highlighter I wanted?” or “can you sign my planner?” or the worst “I did say it was parents evening tonight didn’t I?”.

Good, breakfast eaten. You usher the kids upstairs to get dressed. I’m certain this can take many forms in households across the UK but in ours it’s fairly standard. ‘The daughter’ will sit on the bathroom floor for a least ten minutes brushing teeth. She will then sit on her bedroom floor getting dressed - a neat skill, I must ask how that’s done! Don’t ask what’s next - contact lenses and make up!! Two things I avoid involvement with and leave to my wife. ‘The son’ will have generally completed the hygiene task fairly swiftly, if not efficiently, and have returned to bed - fully clothed. This appears to be some kind of ritual. Maybe a bringing together of night and day in preparation for the days activities.

With 08:00 approaching, the final task is the ‘exiting the house task‘. This takes many, many attempts. Including: having to check bag, having to brush hair, having to change jumper as that one is filthy, cleaning shoes, wiping toothpaste off face and clothes, finding shoes, finding jacket, changing jacket as that jacket is now too small or ‘not cool’, running back upstairs to get homework, running back upstairs to get tie or put deodorant on.

Hooray - door open and with a hundredweight of rucksack on their backs; they are out and ready for action. “Have a good day, be careful” you shout.

Now comes the difficult part. Get that coffee pot on; time for you to get ready - you have 12 minutes before your train leaves or in lockdown - your first Zoom meeting...

Now, that’s what you call ‘morning glory’!!!