Motor-moaning- Episode 1 "Start Wars"

Sorry, if this offends anyone and I should probably say “motor-homing“. But... then again!! As I sit here in my ‘Lockdown” home office area, staring out of the window. I look at the cars sat sadly on the drive and look forward to the days we can finally leave the house again and do something fun. Those days out, trips away of weekend adventures.

As a Dad there’s a real buzz and sense of adventure from taking to the road and travelling to great family spots with the joy of a few home comforts on board. Well, that’s the idea.

It doesn’t quite work out like that.

I recall one of my first experiences when the children were still very young. We’d packed everything up in the camper van, way more than we needed, and set off - in the rain of course.

We chose somewhere near to home as a trial run. This was a good plan but whether near or far, the challenges remain.

We arrive, in the rain. As we manoeuvre to the location on the map, accurately pin pointed on the site map by the receptionist on check in, we begin the war... The 'start wars' of the set up. It was definitely like being ‘set-up’.

In the rain, we unpack what turns out to be the main task for the next few hours - the awning!!!! But first the easy stuff, electric connected, water tank filled up and kettle on. That’s the big benefit of the camper van, you can pretty much turn up and crack on (except for the awning). This was by no means a flashy VW, no where near that stylish. This was a Fiat Ducato base panel van with slightly peeling paint and what can only be described as a rather unusual conversion; with a hi-top roof containing the kids’ bed. A little precarious in high winds!!

With kettle boiling and kids sat watching the Archos, a small media player before the Apple i global takeover.... we build up the courage to take on the awning.

What a disaster.... It was the metal pole variety not your modern inflatable air awnings of today. Do we use all of the following? Really do we? Figure of 8 channel, channel connector, awning tie down kit, storm straps, awning pegs for grass, awning pegs for hard standing, screw pegs and..... a tennis ball - the list goes on!

If this all sounds familiar to you, I’m impressed! To me it was just a big bag of bits. The bag also weighed a tonne. I had no clue. “Where do I start? Where’s the gaffer tape?” I asked. “That should do the trick.”

It didn’t....

For those in the know, your van needs a jrail... Ours didn't. This is a metal 'j' shaped supporting rail that runs the length of the van, on the sliding door side. We had a rubber rain deflector that we had presumed was a jrail (it was certainly 'j' shaped..). No matter how much we tried, there was no way a figure of 8 and very heavy awning was attaching to that with a nice rain tight fit. “Where's that gaffer tape gone?”

The following hour or so (although it seemed longer) would have not been out of place in a comedy sketch as we blundered around fixing poles and pegs and straps - rain lashing at our faces. I'm sure someone said this was meant to be fun...

The occasional passer-by offering assistance and our experienced ‘hard-standing’ neighbour looking on in horror.

We eventually manage the task with a ‘bodge-it and scarper‘ type fix up that just about keeps the rain out but the language has been blue and the sweat now pouring off us (or is it rain). But, as always, the kids are none the wiser thanks to Peppa Pig and Postman Pat.

We also worked out what the tennis balls are for......

Now for some dinner. “Beans anyone?”

This is just the beginning of our many 'motor-moaning' adventures. I'll be sure to release additional blogs on this topic - the next one will be Episode 2 - The Campfire strikes back!! Stay tuned to the Dad Files.....