Shop-it - the Government banned it!

As we approach Christmas and exit Lockdown 2.0 but continue the UK tier system, I have to write about my shopping experiences as a Dad.

For me, shopping is challenging at the best of times. Whether it is food shopping, clothes shopping, even interesting shopping for gadgets and tech or any other kind of shop visiting such as coffee shops and the like, my view is generally about having a simple strategy. This is to get what you need, then leave. If you are forced to, this may involve a quick browse to look at anything of interest too. With the introduction of a Global Pandemic into the shopping experience, this need to be in and out at speed has only increased. Now my shopping trips resemble an SAS mission - you mask up beforehand and it’s “get in, get the target and get out as quickly as you can”. Oh... and then hand sanitise once you’re done!!!

Lockdowns have caused a significant change to store shopping habits. It was basically - “stop-it and shop-it online” the Government banned it... Then again, maybe this has some benefits. No longer were you expected to attend a shop to be the mule that carried the bags - the Government banned it. No longer will you need to be the fashion adviser as to whether something “looked good on” - the Government banned it. No longer will you need to be asked "how about this for dinner tonight?" - the Government banned it. Instead you could go to the golf course or even down the pub - oh hang on... the Government banned it!!

Tricky trade off!! I’m still deciding whether that’s a trade worth making.

Anyway, shopping had changed forever. Now, shopping is waiting for the 'Ring' doorbell to let you know someone is close-by or has already rung the doorbell. The text message stating “your delivery has been picked and is on the way”, “your delivery has been received by our couriers and is awaiting dispatch” or “your parcel will arrive between 10:36 and 14:36”. I like the precision on the minutes. It makes you think you’re more important. Apparently, the same as the flu jab which is based on two minute slots, for all those reading this and not over the age of 50... As for the COVID-19 vaccine, to get us all through the system inside a year... this probably needs to be like a factory process firing us humans along a conveyor belt to be ‘jabbed’ then recorded with some kind of UK safety kite mark to show a ‘pass’!!!

Back to the shopping. There is now simply the ‘foreplay’ of shopping which is selecting the product online and with a mouse click and a phone thumbprint swipe you simply - browse, see, buy, pay, exit!! Even more so at Christmas as you consider the best present options. There is limited chance of proper shop browsing helping you select an appropriate gift for each recipient. Instead, you have to use your own brain to come up with the right choice and know what you are looking for in advance. You do your best and ‘add to basket’.

Your doorstep then becomes a “drop-in centre” for all those online deliveries and instead of seeing your usual scrawled signature in the accompanying email notifying you of delivery, it’s just a photo of the box, the doorstep and - your feet!!! Since when did someone’s socks, bare feet or footwear become a new identification system. Please walk through the scanner sir, ah yes do remove your shoes so we can scan your feet for your identity confirmation. How stinky would that make passport control or the shopping future.

Also, does anyone else have that ‘letter and package quarantine area’ now? Maybe it’s just us but as you have to wash your hands so many times a day, you generally leave some items sat by the door before opening them. Primarily with the hope that the virus will have ‘disappeared’ in that short space of time or ‘gone away and decided to leave‘ or ‘agreed to be nice’ as you had put it in quarantine, much like the naughty step from when the kids were young. As you haven't opened it straight away, or had only used your foot to manoeuvre to the side of the hall rather than your hand, maybe the virus will 'let you off' this time. The world has certainly changed!

It might sound strange but food shopping has not changed significantly for us. We had already chosen the online shopping option for this and would receive a weekly home delivery of the core family items. However, we would generally shop separately for fresh fruit, veg and meat. Sadly, this ended with Lockdown and we started to include these in the main delivery - not great. Shopping for these items is usually a skill. You always check the fruit and veg thoroughly before agreeing to place in your basket - almost like you would assess your daughter’s new boyfriend ensuring it matches the appropriate criteria. As for the meat shopping, this must have the longest use by date on it and definitely not have any nasty looking blood marks or sinew strips. Nowadays, that’s all gone - it’s back to the old days “you’ll get what you are given and like it...”.

With this, also starts the 'logging' the use by dates on the kitchen notice board strategy, to ensure the fridge doesn’t simply become a stop off point before the bin! My wife has become a ‘Ninja’ at this. Not an easy task when in some weeks you have to consume the seven meals you had planned for the four of you inside four days and the freezer is full of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream!!

As for the kids, they are pretty happy that there is no need to drag them with you to the shops for anything. My son especially, simply saying “yes, anything is fine but can I download this game from Steam”. No interest!!! My daughter on the other hand, is less happy. The restriction of not taking the odd day or weekend out with mates to buy 'tat' is leaving her a little disappointed. Not so me, as I no longer have to see a selection of this tat laying around the house, then soon after, ending up in the bin.

What the kids also find funny is that you start to refer to the deliver drivers by their first names. “It’s Pete in the red pepper van today” or “Theo’s delivering the Amazon stuff today” or “Hi Jan” (the Next delivery lady). This seems bizarre to them as they ask whether you know them or have met them before. "Know them... they are like our best mates now as we don't see anyone else unless it's on a video screen!!"

For those items you need very urgently or cannot be delivered, you then have the joy of the ‘click n collect’ experience. Generally this has been positive. You drive to the collection zone, open your boot ready to accept the ‘goods’ much like a dodgy hand-over of some kind with you as the get-away driver. You are also masked-up so that makes it look worse! “Quick, get the gear in, now floor it.” Sorry slight flash back for late 70’s and early 80’s cop shows like the Sweeney. As for the poor shop assistants working in this role, walking to your car in full PPE as though approaching some kind of nuclear fall-out risk from a scene on the SkyTV Chernobyl series! Clearly we send huge thanks to all those in front-line NHS and public services positions but also well done all those working in these roles and many others too - “thanks for keeping things running”.

As for the future of shopping in person - I’m sure those days will be back but in this house, for now anyway, it’s stop-it ‘n’ shop-it online as anything else... the Government banned it!!