Walk this way!

No doubt similar to us, many of you will be walking a lot more than you used to. The challenge I’ve had, is getting the kids to exercise more. A simple walk can do great things for your health - both physical and mental. However, I’ve failed!!! My son looks at me as though I have two heads when I suggest a walk, generally stating that “it’s for ‘adults’ less fit than youngsters” - the sort who enjoy running and generally have a more active and energetic lifestyle than parents I guess. Alternatively, his second favourite response “do I have to?” will be provided in those dulcet tones to warn off parents from asking too challenging a demand.

As for my daughter, she simply looks at me with that 'teenager face’. The face that says “no chance, not on this planet, not a hope, no way, noooo”. Oh sorry, I forgot, there is one option to which the daughter will give you the potential of becoming a walking partner....However, this will normally stem from a close friend having recently welcomed a new pet dog. “I’d be much happier to walk if we had a dog” is the standard comment. To which you reply “I don’t believe you, I’d be the one taking it for a walk every morning and evening”. You then back this up with “you wouldn’t want to pick up the poo either” and to ensure this is fully rammed home. Your final comment of “plus they are very expensive and they might die!”. Sadly, on reflection, you know this is a step too far and also causes a more dramatic riposte... “I would do all of that and would be very happy to get up early before school to walk him and pick up poo and clear up after him and make sure he’s trained properly and pay towards it and - and - and.” “Oh dear, why did I enter into this debate” you chastise yourself.

Now I’m not sure if all of you know who Mr Brown might be but if you are a fan of the author Michael Bond and his 13th October 1958 creation, Paddington Bear, you may recall a Mr Brown. For those more aware of the film adaptation, very much think of the hapless Hugh Bonneville’s Mr Brown as me...

Once a sparky risk taker zesty for life’s challenges and now ‘as a Dad’ a little more reserved. More likely to be found with a first aid kit at the ready and a “be careful” or “that might be dangerous” or “we couldn’t possibly do that” response to any moderate request from the kids. Much like Mr Brown my thoughts are very clear “a bear in the house - not a chance”. Well dog in this instance...

So it ends up being the parents who venture out for the daily exercise. Pre Coronavirus , this was a very pleasant experience popping off to the beach or a quick zip for a coffee, not quite so now! It’s more reminiscent of a strange melodrama these days as you remain within your prescribed ‘boundaries’, the walkers dodging each other like skilled dribblers dipping a shoulder to weave their way past those ahead. You see the occasional verbal volley under the breath as the odd individual or couple, too engrossed in their own thoughts, neglect the new modus operandi and are logged in the memory banks to ensure they are well avoided on the next outing. You also select your walking route more methodically than before, similar to the new shopping protocol used in COVID times, you prepare well to minimise human encounter and ensure close proximity to a short cut or escape route should you find yourself in a busy thoroughfare. Sadly, the walk route chosen, often matches that of the experienced dog walker - generally swinging their neatly captured bag of poo in their hand. You hope the canine, clearly loved by the owner, keeps well away from you to prevent any potential two metre barrier breach - or close encounter with a poo bag.

Here’s a quick question for you...what’s the standard walking greeting these days? I tend to say “morning” even if it’s well past midday. I’m not convinced there’s any better option: g’day, how-do-you-do, afternoon and even hello just don’t quite seem to work for me. This is another thing the kids find hilarious and will often wave oddly at me at home, at any hour of the day, and in a deep voice state ‘morning’!

During a walk, you might occasionally bump into a friend, well clearly not bump as you’ve already moved yourself to the other side of the road. Before you’d recognised them; using your global pandemic radar system to ‘pick them up’ some distance away, you’ve already carried out the appropriate manoeuvre to avoid enemy contact. On noticing you actually know, and like them, you holler across the road “how are you?” or “keeping well?” or simply “this is fun isn’t it?”. Most responses tend to include “can’t wait for things to be back to normal” or “kids are going stir crazy at home” or the most common of all “I can’t believe it’s gone on this long”.

As you complete your socially distanced walk and on returning home, you wash your hands within an inch of their lives although you haven’t even touched anything!

As I now think to myself... Much like Mr Brown did on reflection, I guess maybe having a dog wouldn’t change things that much. A quick detour past the doggie-doo bin and a blast from the garden hose when you get back... I hope my daughter doesn’t read this!